A Time To Dance

summer?

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 18:36:10 GMT

Rain in summer ... am I back in Melbourne?? Nice to sit in cafes and watch the action in the common though! Yay for Costa :)

Bank account is recovering ... well I'm giving it a breather before I hit it up for trip to Oxford, the Cornwall, then 10 days through east europe (start in Venice, finish in Paris > London) in late September! Then October is back to Auckland and then Adelaide. Maybe this will help to figure out if/when I return to the southern hemisphere. I really wish the universe would help in this regards, but so far it's just being silent on the issue - a door has closed but all the windows are open and there are holes in the roof, so plenty to do but very little inclination! Am I a sap or what???

My job is varied and frenetic and I'm coming to hate it, but it pays the bills and being so busy and not getting time for lunch actually saves me money! It's good to have a job and a small measure of security. My work in Auckland have confirmed holding my position for me til 18 Jan so there is a little pressure there to come to a decision.

Pubs are quite cheap though, although the company is often less than desirable ... i have to stop attracting odd Epyptian males (maybe it's the ankh?). I seem to still have quite a thing for my Kiwi ex-lover - Damn him! But since there's no changing it so we live on and try to remain open to new experiences (none of which, on a personal level, have been terribly satisfying).

Finally reading "Wicked" ... and there is a sequel "Son of a Witch" - now who could resist that?!

If I sound scattered it's because I am. I'm returning to old habits, mostly found in bottles, for which I know I would be chastised.

xxx

London Town

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:33:16 GMT

Well, for those who are missing me I am rising from the ashes!!

I have had some not-so-serious hiccups I am stabilising and things are working out ok.

If anyone has friends here of knows of gothy places (other than Camden - been there) to go I'm all open to hearing it. I almost got to a club called Redeemer last night but the bottle of wine with dinner and the unexpected rain put a damper on my enthusiasm (as well as the fear of having no introduction)!

My love life is in tatters, my bank account is suffering coronary, and my travel plans are on hold. Still, I am not much worse for wear - I have done a tour of Scotland, been to Royal Ascot and experience the 'walkabouts' and all manner of characters within. I'm afraid to say that prejudices flourish in this town. Kiwis are courteous, Aussies tend to medium to high ranking on the obnoxious/drunken scale and Egyptians are most likely to offer you sex (completing uninvited) at 3am when you are walking home from the bus or trying to leave a club to get away from them. Very sad. But in all that are the exceptions and they are Diamonds!

A weekend in Paris, a five day trip to Prague, a new laptop and a day trip to Oxford are all on the wish list. The Tower of London is really something and I can't wait to see the other half of the history by visiting Hampton Court palace soon.

To save money I'm shopping once a week and I gave myself a fantastic haircut yesterday :)) So some things are going ok. I'm learning my way around and courage in some things is returning. I have ongoing temp work which is ok but hardly exciting. I'm planning on taking on a legal course to try to break into new zones ...

I'm missing the love I let go more than words can say. I'm not sure it's right but it's done. I just have to shove it into the little matchbox with all the other pasts and get on with life.

Well, now that I've verified the fact I am still in existence ... I will continue. I miss you all and I'm sorry I've not written again sooner.

xx

progress in the ancestral land

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 11:36:36 GMT

Yes, I live still!
I'm walking lots and seeing lots and forgetting my camera almost always! I keep stumbling over things I should've known where to find (eg. Big Ben) and am not making friends the way I expected to ... indeed the friends making part is probably the hardest thing - but it's not to stand in the way of doing things anyway. I do have a female friend to travel Scotland with over the Easster weekend, which should be a blast.

I have embarked on my newest and yet most long term project - my tattoo mural. I've found a cool artist and although we have differences I trust his judgement and creative style to decorate my 'oh such smooth white' skin. First three-hour session is tonight.
Work is a bit of a bore. I am continuing to apply for other more creative, challenging and permanent positions which will hopefully also pay more (although £16/hr is pretty decent considering the 'credit crunch'). Trying to figure out how to find myself a way to get to the top of 250+ applications for the positions I want. Recruiters no longer provide contact phone numbers and unless you get in quick emails bounce (probably due to size restrictions of inboxes). This does make it all the more exciting when one gets a response at all!

We went to 'summer time' on Sunday - which is a big laugh because most people are still wearing scarf and gloves each morning. Although the sun is, well, sunnier!

I have been to the grey hound races at Wimbledon, joined an Argentine Tango dance class (Saturday afternoon), and booked myself dinner at the Rtiz for next Sunday. I'm trying to decide when to go see stage shows (eg. Tango Fire, Stomp and Lion King) and quite successfully avoiding the Aussie pubs!! I'm not getting around town to see as much as I hoped so will make more endeavours to find flat, suitable for much tramping, boots to encourage me to walk more. Tubes are GREAT, but you miss the streets. I have been navigating by pubs and St Paul's so far.

Most is well. My heart aches sometimes for what is far away and largely unfathomable.
I am not unhappy, but indeed pleased much of the time, but a certain c'est quoi is definitely absent.

consumate traveller

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:27:54 GMT

I have landed.
Within a week i had a job (temp but ongoing to permanency shoudl I choose). I started Monday and have done my usual good impression thing so they want to keep me - leaving the choice with me. Lack of pay is a problem - Aussie dollars are not going far enough and it's another week before I see a penny ... literally.
I have found a room which I can afford and be comfortable in. I get keys tomorrow should I be able to make the bond payment! And can then take up new residence less than a mile from where I am staying with a friend currently.
I have been adored in my PVC dress. Adoration resulted in chaste cuddles. Nothing beats cuddles, even if that's all they are.
for the first time in a long time I want to go shopping and rebuild my rather limited wardrobe and accessories case. This will be fun and I am headed for Camden, Earls Court and the biggest Westfield in the world ... when the time comes ... dependant on point 2.
i have been to a show - "We Will Rock You" at the Dominion(Tottenham Court Road) and am booked in for Chicago in two weeks. See London and shows first.
Rebuild depleted accounts, and save a little more. Then I will be off to see more off the countryside (Stroud, Cornwall, Bath) and slowly expand to take in Ireland, Venice, Prague and Paris (plus South France).

Any other ideas? Should I consider Germany too?

St Patrick's Day is coming up. Don't want to plan it. Not planning things in detail is working so far. thought about Dublin, but I think I would prefer to visit it when I have more time to look around (rather than looking at the bottom of a whiskey glass) ... and maybe I will get the chance to visit with my mother.

My day is ended. I am free to roam. Maybe Leicester Square tonight.

old friends and new places

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:46:29 GMT

My journey began six months ago, and continues, but I feel I have finally achieved part of a dream.
I was up til 1.00am on 18th January sorting my luggage, then on 4 hours sleep cabbed to Auckland airport and checked in. After dramas over 4kg I was set. Still anxious but on the way.
Off to Melbourne. All Good. A wonderful few hours in fine company and old haunts - then back to the airport.
Off to Singapore. Wet plane seat meant it was an odd kind flight, but nothing compared to the mugginess of that oriental stop-over which felt more session in a sauna. With beer.
Back on the plane and wet seat. I was moved as they hadn't been able to change the seat. I was nice about it they said even though the new seat was Much nicer which meant I got sleep and a view out the window. And then a free bottle of whiskey (my choice from inSky duty free) for being so good about it!! Wow - should've complained long ago! So \i arrive in Heathrow, express to Paddington, where all the things started to make sense and my friend came and found me.
My body is still catching up with the experience but I am alive and well and still giggling at the lights and red double-deckers. Going to cafes and get my first taste of London nightlife tonight at a Burlesque show!! Apart from the time differences things are GOOD!! :)

xx

Goodness is a carrot

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:56:04 GMT

I spent my morning giggling through wombat-goodness ... humans make wonderful pets once they are properly trained :)
Yes I have a Christmas present in February ... at this rate I could receive a present every month of the year - thus living the dream of Christmas all year round!

Why do people think that telling me it's snowing in London that this will upset me! I WANT snow ... just hope it's still there in two weeks, although reality says that it will be slush by then even if it survives!!

I like people. Today people are my friends. Liquidators are not. Neither are conference websites.
And why do there not seem anywhere near enough hours in a day? Drinking today will have to be fit into 45 minutes instead of a full hour ...

White wash

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 00:02:39 GMT

There is SNOW in London!!! :) What more motivation did I need?
To walk on white streets! How gothy, how romantic, how inspiring!! I bet Londoners are hating it (all reports say it's like aghost town with no one about) but truly, now I can't wait to pull on my snow boots and explore. I get on plane in temperate climes, head for Melbourne with it's current unfavourable extremes for a day and land in a fairyland. I have my travelling outfits sorted. so this gives e something to work ackwards from :)

I'm making (slow) progress with packing. Just have to book storage space, hire truck and buy a case of beer for the helpers!

Only down side is that my heart is empty. I accept that I am to blame for this love-hopelessness, but empty is better than torn/broken. And leaves more room for daydreams/writing and planning other excitements. Dreams however are NOT helpful. Not having my comfortable bed anymore is also not helpful. I wonder how long it will be before I sleep in proper bed again?

Lost netball last night. I accidentally elbowed the male attack player in a rather sensitive spot (he should've tried to jump over me) but also managed to sprain my thumb again. But I didn't hit anyone!!

Work this morning was hectic. Billing. Liquidations galore.
New PA starts n Monday so training fun begins then and I have a week to try to pass on 2 years of company knowledge.

Off to Traffic now for the liquid component of my lunch.

Not wallowing, merely wading

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 00:47:31 GMT

The price of love is ... pain.
Well this is not actually fair. I am getting what I want now, namely freedom and the chance to live a new dream. Although I must say I'm not that thrilled and think I remember why I prefer to have someone to share my time with. I feel like I am carrying all my worries alone (although that's nothing unusual) and that all my bounce is being sucked out by that.

On the brilliant side (where if you turn the mirrors just so at midday) I have seemed to have gathered around me an interesting group of people who wish to spend time with me; and I wil be very sad to leave them. Thursday evening I was doing my wallflower trick in my corner pub, and was approached and amused by a kind man from Cornwall until we were kicked out at closing; Friday I was back at same pub, after short stint elsewhere and a wander around town to get an acquaintance into a hostel for the night, to then introduce the kind Cornwallian (???) to the interesting French female traveller (with the result that I now have contacts in St Ives and the South of France). Both nights were late; both represented a hesitancy to return to my domicile alone.

Saturday my bed was collected (still warm from my aching bones) at 9:30am. This be the first "big" step in getting my sh%t together and packed. Thus started my weekend of feeling like I was on an emotional see-saw. I have various options and once they started being actualised I'm sure I will feel much better. I was picked up (and my cpuboards raided) by a lovely Jas who whisked me off to a lively evening at her place - which ended with the watching of comedians Russell Brand and Jimmy something. :)) Another post-midnight return, whereupon I remembered I had to make up my bed on the futon before retiring!! However, did discuss various othr options for donating my stuff to a rehabilitation shelter where at least it will be well-used and appreciated :)

Sunday I was joined by a red-head-dancer friend who helped me express some grief and then we went and sat on the beach to eat mussels and potato, and just be lazy in the sun. Nice :) Guess I'd better get as much sun in as possible; well as much sun as Morrigan's can handle before turning permanently pale on the shores of the British Isles!

In general, fun-size is getting on with things. And honestly, if it wasn't this what would it be? I cannot figure out or decide entirely what I do what so why should I expect to get it??? I have enjoyed living and reacting in the present, now I'm finding 'planning' an all together unused and rather rusty lifestyle-skill! Honestly, I wish I could've kept Escort but I don't think it is the right time, nor may it ever be, but we did good with what we had. Dreams last night served only to frustrate me and reinforce my impressions, but it is of little consequence since even a bad decision on his part would probably not translate into good news for me!

Gone.

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:49:19 GMT

Escort, my much beloved buddy, has left the country.
So much of our relationship was based on the eventuality of parting; and it's finally arrived as we knew it would. All the good times have made it worthwhile, I wouldn't change much (if anything) and I know the hurt will go away - eventually. Memories are solid gold and cannot be taken away though and for that I'm very grateful. We are both of a like mind I think and I found more with him than I expected. I'm not falling apart, just feel very alone all of a sudden.

We had dinner at SkyTower restaurant last night. Fitting really. Just a normal fun dinner. Fuckity-fuck-fuck I'm going to miss him. But I'm not going to dwell on it ...

This morning there were cuddles and tears and fun and hugs and tears. I feel like someone took away my favourite toy/book! In truth it's a relief, but still doens't change the facts. Even having found "wonderful" I'm no better off. But perhaps a more confident person. I wish it were different and maybe somewhere in the distant future it will be different.

We both have new places to go to. New challenges to face.
So much else to focus on now going forward. I have more growing to do (metaphorically speaking ... will still be my fun-sized self), having come to know myself better I realise that the things I want are those that I fear the most. And what if, by fate, I now get them ...?

Moving day is Sat 7th Feb if I can get storage and truck hire organised by then. I have a driver and helpers lined up all for the price of a case of beer! So much to do and decisions to make to ensure my plans continue, and more fun can be found later!

12 working days remain.
I interviewed a potential replacement yesterday. Might be confirmed by tomorrow and then the training fun starts.

Last day as a pair

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:39:37 GMT

We say good bye tonight/tomorrow morning. Escort leaves for Brisbane tomorrow.
So much of our relationship has been based on the eventuality of parting; and it's finally arrived as we knew it would. All the good times have made it worthwhile, I wouldn't change much (if anything) and I know the hurt will go away. Memories are solid gold and cannot be taken away. We are hopefuly having dinner at SkyTower restaurant tonight. Fitting really. Fuckity-fuck-fuck I'm going to miss him. But I'm not going to dwell on it ... not now, I'm NOT going to spend our last night together crying!!!

So much else to focus on going forward.
Moving day is Sat 7th Feb if I can get storage and truck hire organised by then. I have a driver and helpers lined up all for the price of a case of beer!

13 working days left.
I interviewed a potential replacement yesterday. Might be confirmed today and then the training fun starts.
Til then I have people waiting for letters ....

4 weeks today

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 00:16:56 GMT

and I fly out ....!
Anyone free for lunch on 18th Feb? I might catch the shuttle bus into the city so that I'm not in the airport for the entire hours!!

This is promising and scary due to the fact my flat is still full of furniture and stuff, I've not sold a thing, I can't find my Evanessence CDs to load onto my new ipod (8 Giggles of goodness), and I still don't have an appointed replacement for work.

I am still deciding what to take/sell/ditch/store and sometimes feel like the world is caving in.
Losing Escort (or more correctly watching him leave) ... best friend and lover ... is also difficult. Apart from maddening packing we continue on as if nothing is happening when in actual fact our minds don't seem to be able to let go. Hugs are furious. I know I'm going to cry at some point in the next week once it really sinks in but what's to greive? I'm glad I've had this time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I wouldn't not go to London, and so can't expect him to not go (even though the reasons are different it's still a matter of doing what we have to do).

I am looking forward to the 'sightseeing' between interviews and the PUBS!!!! :)

what have i done?

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 05:10:36 GMT

The concept of giving up someone you love is easier than the practise.
Agreeing that something is right is easier than allowing it to happen.
Knowing that the path you have chosen is sorted makes the reality of it bearable; but doesn't stop you wishng you could've gone a different way.
Still, knowing is better than wondering. For all involved.

wind in my hair and the sun on my back

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 03:09:13 GMT

Have arrived in Adelaide (only hiccup has been losing my ipod on the plane - I am currently on hold with qantas "found' section ... 35 minutes and counting).
I been here for five days now. Had a belated family Christmas with family on Saturday which was fabulous.
Spent yesterday visiting cellar doors in the Barossa with the folks ... remembered that being in a car with them for more than four hours becomes a trial!!! Still bought two new wines and a few more which I can get in Auckland :)) Saves the weight of carrying them home. Have a spare 10kg in bag though - room left from the Christmas presents I brought over. Saw my god-children and spent an afternoon playing with them. they have grown up so much! We are taking them to the movies on Wednesday ... 'Bedtime Stories' anyone??? After tuesday's heat and excitement I am going to be grateful for the relative coolness of the cinema and the uncomplicated company of four children under 10! I do love those little people :))

finally got a person at qantas ... ipod not found :((

Anyway, so today is chilling at home ... as much as one can with my Mother ... contemplating the decisions of life. London is a little less daunting now i have maps! But it doesn't erase the fact that my Escort will be leaving me before the end of the month. I do hope I am doing the right thing by letting/supporting him to go. I am understanding the whole "if you love something set it free" concept. And at least i'm making progress personally - I have a better idea of what makes me happy - and that it can exist - and we are parting on good terms for a change! And I am truly glad that he has been a part of my life ... what comes next is up to time and fate.

this afternoon ... lunch and more canasta with the female parental unit.

When you know something is going to happen but you go ahead and do it any way

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 22:02:17 GMT

is that called stupid or persisitent?
Whatever it is it hurts a little more than expected, but not as much as it could. Yet. Although I feel no anger. Just abandoned.
I realise ho much Escort and I shared, and also how much we didn't say. And perhaps that's a good thing. I realised that I avoided telling him much about me (and previous circumstances unles relevant to a situation); maybe he figured things out, maybe there's not mch to tell. There's this hole you see, like a suport beam, taken out of a house. Collapse is not imminent (or even foreseeable) but the stability is questioned.
In explaining how our situation began and what it consists of I have been called insane countless times (mostly in the past two weeks). To love someone and be willing to let them walk away with someone else. Well, one it was inevitable so I may as well know when it was going to happen from the beginning. Some comfort but much easier to say than actually be happy about. Two, there are things I want to do. To have some support exclusively for myself in this endeavour would've been nice - but what we do makes us stronger right. So many things are out there lying in wait for me, and nly time will tell what they are. We have to go ahead and do the things which we feel compelled to do or our lives won't be fully lived. I learned this when I moved here to NZ; and I'm learning it now. However, this time I'm walking away from a "might be" for the unknown, so that I can know something, and so that he can know something.

Maybe some day paths will cross again. Who can say.
Yes I am speaking/thinking like he's already gone. In some ways it certainly feels that way, because there's no time. I haven't messed up with this one. I can honestly say that. I've been true and fulfilled, appreciated and wanted if only for the small space I occupy and no more; I now know what is enough for me. And while the outcome is not ideal, the journey has been amazing.

And so, roll on New.

So, have I grown up?

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 01:33:29 GMT

I'm not sure I've 'matured' from experiences but inevitable seems slightly easier to deal with than the merely possible!

I enjoyed my alone Christmas Day and boxing day. Reading "Exile" by Richard North Patterson which is really tough going.
Enjoyed BBQ at Escort's place - and meeting the girlfriend. Nothing further to report. Wasn't too painful at all and she is nothing objectionable but personality was difficult to gauge - she was either being understated or not feeling the life of the party that day, or she's a subtle personality. I was me.

Between writing (mainly to-do and Xmas lists) and reading I have been sorting through stuff to put into storage. Have to start moving it out soon while I still have friends around with vehicles to assist in the transfer! Ditching lots of stuff - including three old suitaces which all have broken zippers and contained out of date contents (paperwork and clothes mainly)! I saved many f the boxes from when I moved over so containers are not a problem. And need to check with friends who will be taking furniture, when it suits them to take it, and find out what is left that I can sell to reduce my credit card monster!!
So, besides having feelings of abandonment by Escort, paralysis over how to shift my stuff, fear of the unknown where London is concerned and feeling slightly alone I am perfectly FINE! Coping very well though and even managing to have fun and get work done in the meantime. Just have to remember that I am a capable human being!

Merry Christmas to all, rather belatedly, but to all a good year :)
x

End of a time

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 21:09:24 GMT

It's hard to be disappointed about something I am not sure I even want - much less ever expected.
I've learnt a lot - good rather than bad this time at least. That I do have some control, even if it's not the way I'd prefer. But people are not mine to control and their decisions have to be respected. It's just hard to say goodbye.
I realise how much I do actually want a child and how unlikely it is that I will ever have one. Funny that Chisrtmas is the time to discover this. My life is not what I thought it would be but it has been so many other things. Being wanted - really wanted - is much more fun that I realised it could be. Having someone to do cool stuff with is everything I wanted it to be, and I hope I remember to tell him that in amongst all the pain and sadness, mine anyway. He has new places to look forward to as well - a new life to lead - and I am happy for him.

It seems a daunting task to review this past year. A settled year and yet an upheaval, I've rediscovered things I've enjoyed doing and moved away from those things which give me no pleasure. I have spent money, but I've had money to spend. I have been surprised and made plans. I have achieved many of the things I set out to do - work, athletics, love and finances. I've visited new places and old friends. I'm planning visiting different new places and old friends again in the new year. time for getting out and spreading my wings and buying into consequences I cannot predict.

Get on with living or get on with dying. That's what it comes down to. Most of what I'm afraid of has already happened in one shape or another - or I cannot stop it happening - so let it come catch me. I've found I can have fantasy and reality; as long as I can distinguish the difference when required.

Living by the beach is going to be salvation over the new week or two - water is so calming. Really have to put plans into action rather than flopping around like a jellyfish.

2009 - time to be strong.

how long did you say I have?

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:44:56 GMT

I've often said that changing one small thing can have a bg impact ... the butterfly effect if you like. Well, one small thing, a mobile phone to be exact seems to have done that. A brieft trip to collect it has thrown off the momentum - tipped the scales, broken the balance ... however you wish to explain it. My understanding with Escort is now teetering on a knife edge. For me. I truly feel stuck between being 'the girlfriend' and the 'other woman' - I've felt like the former for awhile and forgot I was actually the latter! Welcome back to reality! Just need to shift back a gear.
I've started needing him in wrong ways - wanting comfort which is not his responsibility to give (but damn do I need a hug) - and that's not altogether a good thing. I've started thinking of things in a different way - biological-like.
I spent a weekend on my own and had a great time (visited friends and put up thier Christmas tree and had a yummy dinner; went to the zoo with a work group - saw animals and played with babies), but found myself looking forward to things we have planned: a weekend away, paddling over to Rangitoto Island - little fun things. We have precious little time left as it is and I don't want to spend it arguing or moping. It's been so wonderful, more wonderful than I ever thought, and I don' want to let it go until I absolutely have to ... but he has a life he has to move into and so do I. Just not yet!

I worked 10 hours yesterday. That's been an average day for the past two weeks. I'm squeezing in social activities but I'm bordering on overload. I know it. I'm actually looking forward to the time off work now. Although there seems too much to fit in before hand. I only have four weeks here in the new year, and much to do before Christmas. And undervalued all over - but what's new!

I get to know what Christmas on one's own feels like. Alone. It's not going to be horrible. And I get to participate in the post-Christmas sales to purhase gifts to head over to Adelaide with in January.
Lots to read and clean and pack.
I'm going to the races on New Year's Day which will be something to get me out of the house.

Green

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:07:20 GMT

My weekend in the famed city went very well - "Wicked" is an excellent show and I recommend it (and hope to be able to also recommend the book once I can get my grubby little hands on it)! The green streaks are fading, but look mightily spectacular - contrast between the dark violet and light green is striking. :) Thanks to Catherine & Andrew for their hospitality and fine-ness. Cheers to Loki for his cheerfulness and persistent ability to make me smile. Much happiness to Patricia for the hopefulness and enthusiasm (given and received)! All things are possible :) Who knows where our lives will take us, but it's reassuring to know that wherever we go we go with friends who are there to offer honesty and boost us up when we are falling.

Being back home with Escort is vey nice; very nice indeed. Unless plans go awry we have two more months together - with a quarter of that spent apart. We haven't exactly talked about this but it hangs in the air. We are staying focussed on enjoying things - either consciously or otherwise. I do think of what life will be like when he's gone but that's a chapter yet to be written and no point in wasting the time we have. Work is bringing us down enough. We are entering the festive season and the most is to be made of it!
We won our netball game last night in very fine form - and I didn't belt anyone!! Played a full game at centre and only got hit with the ball twice!! Felt great though and was awfully funny :) We should get our trophies soon for winning last season. I'm not usually keen on them but I've a feeling I will treasure this one for a wee while.

I booked my flights to London yesterday - via Melbourne. I have an 8 hour stop-over. Anyone up for lunch that day?? And so begins the journey. Sorting and Packing!!! Trying to minimise panic by being prepared and starting things well in advance. No risk is taken without fear, it's a matter of doing it anyway. I've weighed the measure and been found to be wanting ...

Back to basics

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 03:21:03 GMT

Landed in Melbourne.
After being woken up almost an hour early this morning (he thought/dreamt we'd slept through the alarms, which hadnt' yet gone off!!!) boarded plane after coffee and brief farewell.
I have a brand new bottle of Green Fairy (With Spoon).
Reacquainting myself with old haunts, found a new artist I like - namely Victoria Frances - and I'm in a bar run by a Kiwi! I've also discovered I can't take the back off my new phone to replace my SIM card (no disaster, but means that any one calling me please use my NZ number) and I've already had to reload my pre-pay card!!!
Had lunch with a girlfriend who makes me squirm with her insightful observations of my relationships and whose company I always value - and I'm looking forward to an evening of similar conversation and then tomorrow introducing her to others who I am sure would agree with her summation of my love-life!! How well you all seem to know me and love me all the same for which I am greatly appreciative! Not all things are doomed ...

I really had forgotten how hot and dry it can get here ... and summer has not even started in earnest! It's going to be a buig couple of days and I'm looking forward to every moment :) Also discovered that Ex-Darling is also going to be here this weekend ... how odd is that! this is the trip he booked as a replacement for coming to Adelaide with me earlier in the year (due to breaking up with me)! There is a certain amount of irony about this!

Well, beer is almost finished and I've got other places to check out ...

one more day ...

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 01:12:10 GMT

Well, a bit less than that now!
And sorting out who I want to see when is becoming an interesting project!

Most thing are sorted and as long as I stick to my schedule (work, gym, eat, pack, sleep) I will be fine! But do I get some more green into my hair after gym??? Me thinks that would be fun :)) It's taken people at work two days to notice the green streak and this really is not good enough, so I obviously need more!

I have a new mobile. Since my mobile is my only means of communication this is rather important. I don't like my new phone. In fact I haven't liked ANY of the phones that I've looked at. I like my old one. And things were better when I was young. Yes, I can hear this and I undersatand progress but really - I can't buy shoes, let alone a phone or car (which is the other thing I'm putting off buying and which thankfully I CAN do without)!! Phone does work - is charging currently - and I will practice loading and unloading SIM cards tonight and play with settings (or let Escort play with it while I pack since boys like playing with those things)!!

And I hate it when I specifcally ask "is there coriander in this" (because often there is) and I'm told "no" - but I can taste it still ... maybe I will go back to the pub for another beer.

WE WON netball last tnight too - that's two seasons in a row!! :))
And things are back to normal with Escort. This is a huge relief ... my life can continue as I want it to.

Never wish too hard ...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 01:18:19 GMT

hoping don't make things true.
Seem the economic down turn in the UK is conspiring against me. I may have to postpone my London adventure (12 months is recommended). I'm not happy about this. I'm not sure I'm going to follow common sense or commercial advice. I may go anyway. I don't know - I feel like I've just been thrown back in the washing machine for an extra spin cycle!!!

On the UP side ... all systems GO for Wednesday :) I'm am really looking forward to this jaunt :) Did I mention I'm excited???????

Still waiting to hear from Escort. Things may or may not be continuing. I hope they will, but in the general scheme of things I'm not sure it will really matter.

Netball grand final tonight. We will be playing for trophies this time ... not bar tab!! :) I've promised not to start a fight ... but then it's not usually me who stars them anyway. We beat the really nasty-physical team last week. Their femals centre is likely to have a shiner (if not stitches) above her left eye ... and NO it wasn't me, I was no-where near her - it was her own team member she ran into!!! There is some justice inthe world. Her team-mate's elbow did wat I was not allowed to do!!
Still tonight - I'm sworn to be ... good.

Hair is all colourful! Little happy :)

Back in the ... ummm .... saddle

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 23:19:11 GMT

First gym session "back" last night was good. I found energy beneath my pain, coralled it and rode it. Went easy on myself (saying something for me) but it's good to not have to worry about making sure I do 90 mins on the eliptical runner ... 20 mins veritably flew by!! And I love the new Katie Perry filmclip "Hot or Cold" (or something to that effect!) It just makes the gym experience so much more fun. The sauna was wonderful as always although I think I overcooked due to becoming engrossed in Jane Yolen's "Briar Rose" which I am finally getting around to reading!

Went to see movie ... "Burn After Reading" ... two things.
Firstly - Brad Pitt can still act a convincingly energetic early-20-something. He has some of the best lines in the movie and whenever he's on screen you just can't stop grinning (or grimacing at some points, but damn it's funny). His bouncing is made even funnier in contrast to a typically dry and characteristically powerful Malkovic performance. A swathy George Clooney carries womanising to a slightly off-kilter level. Overall, an excellently assembled cast.
The bumblingness of the CIA/Treasury is not reassuring, but believable!
Secondly - Predictable can still produce the unexpected.
The laughs are not belly-aching but they are witty, and it's an excellent relaxation (non-thinking) movie which happily unfolds. No ill-conceived special effects nor violence, just good ol' script (without corniness)and slapstick sit-comedy with some ground-roots acting.

A wonderful evening with Escort. It was essentially our first "date" and it was fun ... over and above. Almost frantic.
We have reached another interesting juncture, but I'm just going to sail on through it (keeping busy with various shit which needs doing) and pick him up on the other side of the weekend to assess the damage. Knowing what to expect makes it easier. Either way there is very little change to my plans - just adjustments to be made between here and there.

I arrive in Melbourne Wednesday morning. :)

And the winner is ....

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:34:24 GMT

not my legs!
I completed my 21 km in 2hrs 30 minutes - almost a full hour ahead of estimated arrival :)) I'm very pleased - my knees were not. Only just now starting to get back a 'normal' walk. Walking down hil still fills me with dread while stairs have gone past amusing! I've spet two days being laughed at as I attempt to alight buses and trains. Thankfully darling escort hasn't fared much better in terms of the stiffness-stakes! Although his time of 1 hr 54 minutes leaves little room for improvement.

Work has been one headache after another. I'm becoming a brick wall; I will not be bullied and you can talk to the hand.

I have o give a spech in a little over an hour - about something I am "in earnest" about. I have considered Oscar Wilde. I have considered Jonathan Swifts's "A Modest Proposal" - I am settling for a beauty queen speech of "World Peace" because I can get in my theory for world domination and no-one will notice. I fear that both wit and satire will be lost on this group and I've a feeling we are supposed to take it seriously - but I really don't feel like exposing my true feelings on abortion, sexual experimentation or population eradication to a bunch of 'trained seals' who seem to not really appreciate the speech itself, but simply praise the eloquence and advise me to
avoid the narrative (despite that being my style of choice for that particular session)!

Things with Escort have been wonderful - except my head is starting to play tricks on me again. Gotta pull it in. Afterall, this is what I wanted. Except the arrival of a certain person will make the weekend somewhat unusual.

Enough.

One week today.

I think therefore I sulk

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:49:49 GMT

Excellent weekend ... bought boxes for packing and then did some cleaning out and sorting and generally successful stuff.
Finshed Carey's latest novel "Kushiel's Mercy" ... satisfaction guaranteed but lacking the intensity of the first trilogy (in my opnion).
Started Gaiman's "Graveyard Book" ... making me smile.
Not so much drinking as expected, but sufficient sleep and task completion ... and Kangaroos won NRL World Cup game:)

I realised yesterday just how much I will be giving up in February. I awoke at dawn and couldn't back to sleep so I "thought". This was a big mistake. I am convinced that the steps I am taking with my life and plans for next year are right for me. I have accepted the things I can and cannot do/be. I know I am doing what is right. I know it will all hurt as things do and that it is best to take fears and stare at them til they frighten me no more.

Escort is wonderful and supportive and fun. And honest. I don't want to be saying goodbye at an airport. We have less than four months - a quarter of which will be intermittently spent apart. So what do I do after my little "think" ... I get grumpy and spend part of a perfectly sunny day pissed off with myself and stupidly grumpy at him!! I swear I'm not going to do that again! No more thinking I tell ya!

Over a week since my last confession ...

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 20:57:26 GMT

I love happiness. I read recently that happiness is the highest form of wisdom - probably not in the same way that imitiation is the highest form of flattery, or sarcasm being the highest form of wit - and in all things there is truth, and knowledge is worth having.
Truth is found in unexpected places. And for the first time I have realised that not talking about it, but just accepting it, is the best way to enjoy the "now".

Work is a joy-kill (boring and stressful in unequal and unpredicatable quantities), but makes the hours in the gym seem like bliss and I'm really appreciating my "me" time.
Training is helping me actually believe I can complete the 21km run. The coffee sitting on my desk beside my hard drive continues to mock me. The text on my phone inviting me to the pub is simply too great a temptation ...

Plans for the UK are going well. I have a phone number and my bank account and tax number will be there by the time I am (I should book my flights in the coming week too). I am slightly concerned about this "recession" ... however the agency is convincing when they say that the overseas recruitment streams suffer very little - but when was the last time they found employment for PA's/people in the UK during a "recession"? Still ... there's always money to be made in a country pub! And let's face it - I have savings to back me for a little time if I need it. It's all about the achievement and experience. Back to roots, and find out more about who I am.

Three weeks til "Wicked" :)